Thursday, 28 January 2010

By Sepulture {Mood Disorder}

It starts here.

What he sees is a throne.
Scarlet bright, with a backdrop of gold.
Polished arms, and a cushion of velvet.

What he sees is a goddess.
Pale soft, with a sheen of peach.
Bronze hair, and a shining crown.

What he sees is a beauty.
Smile light, with a loving eye.
Gift accepted, and a hand extended.

It starts here.

Walking backwards.

A broken reminder of a broken life.
No face to show.
Look, his legs can’t hold him and he
A mocking crookedness in the straight limbs
reminds him a small child in a bright dress
she balances her laugh on the three legs
and in her triumph

His hands are cold. Dead eyes and
lonely soul with no reminder. Remainder
not even whole.
His spark fires and he stands.
Behind him, with nothing to hold it,
the chair totters, and


  1. I like both- the first, he speaks, is direct, and the second- moves into another realm, great!

  2. OH PS- my poetry site is, otherwise food on a plate is my 'real' poetry job :)

  3. the crux of this for me: "his legs can't hold him."

    i love that. there's a vulnerability about it.

  4. For a first try (as you claimed on RWP), this is pretty darn good. :) It's like a mirage changing shape. Very cool.

  5. Very nice starts out sweetly and becomes dark. Nicely done!


  6. I like the way you consturct two vantage points. Your images are really strong.

  7. I like this a lot. I also like the 2 points of view and the way they contrast. I especially like the title "Walking Backwards" coming right after the line "It starts here." I paused on those lines, really digging them.

  8. Backtracking is a wonderful reflection. Nice!

  9. Many thanks for the comments, everyone :)

    namingcontellations, in case you check back here, I didn't mean my first time writing poetry, but my first writing from a prompt. Glad what came out was liked, though.

  10. I like how you use contrast in each half of the poem...the first half being the ideal and the second half being the real. Your line breaks added to the piece as well, how each time you position "falls" on a line by itself for emphasis. Glad to see you on RWP. And good work this week.